Best friends and collaborators DJ AM and Travis Barker at the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards in Los Angeles, just days before the tragic accident.

Travis Barker is opening up about the 2008 plane crash that nearly took his life. In an interview with Men’s Health, the Blink-182 drummer discusses how he’s the only living survivor from the traumatic event and the guilt that goes along with that.

“I was dark,” Barker recalls, revealing he did three months of therapy to deal with posttraumatic stress disorder. “I couldn’t walk down the street. If I saw a plane [in the sky], I was determined it was going to crash, and I just didn’t want to see it.”

Barker was flying from South Carolina to Los Angeles on Sept. 19, 2008, after playing a show. During takeoff, tires blew on the private plane he and five others were traveling on. The plane skidded across a highway, hit an embankment and burst into flames. Barker and his best friend, Adam “DJ AM” Goldstein, were the only people who survived the crash as they were able to escape through an emergency exit despite the drummer being covered in flames. (Two pilots were killed along with two of Barker’s close friends, assistant Chris Baker and security guard Charles Monroe Still Jr.) Goldstein, who formed TRV$DJAM with Barker in 2008, died one year later from a drug overdose.